An Other-Centered Heart: Becoming "One" Through Empathy and Understanding

I just posted about the perfect union I believe we will all know with one another in Heaven.  Early in the post, I mentioned how my desire for this unity may have manifested itself as my strong desire to have an identical twin brother.  I said that the desire to have someone who practically had the same body as me, who was so identical as to almost seem to share my thoughts, would be the closest thing besides marriage to sharing "one flesh" and otherwise being "one."

Thinking more about this, I believe that there is another way.  It's true, having someone be so profoundly identical to you might be an easy way to feel like the two of you are "one," but "easy" is not the same as "only."  This other way is difficult.  It's time consuming, and at times may seem infuriating.  But it's also a very Christian response to the problem.  Christianity often asks of us that we pull up our sleeves and put in a little elbow grease.

But do be a dear and keep it away from the sheets and linens.

This alternative is empathy and compassion.  It's that simple.  I said, in my last entry, that I believe that in Heaven we will each know what it is to "be" each other person, not because we are not distinct persons from each other, but because our distinctions will not constitute division.  This would be a unity not because of uniformity, but in spite of how different and unique we will each be from one another.  The union of Heaven will "bridge the gap" between the differences that make us special, so that even out of variety complete unity will exist.  Well, if that's the case, it makes sense that we can have something similar here "on Earth, as it is in Heaven."

How do I bridge the gap between myself and a brother in Christ who is "not like me?"  When the body through which another experiences the world is so vastly different from mine, when the opinions and thoughts of another seem at odds with my own way of thinking, how do I close the the distance?  I think it's by making a genuine effort to understand my brother.  I have to try to see the world as he sees it, to comprehend what it must feel like and be like to see with his eyes and "live in his skin."  Figuratively, of course.

Okay, I think I just lost my appetite.
(Then you'd better keep FAR from those sheets and linens!!)

Maybe there's some opinion or taste in whatever that a brother has that I can't buy for a second.  I may think he's infuriatingly wrong, or "off."  Okay.  It's fine that I have strong opinions that conflict with his, and I am under no obligation to change them for the sake of being closer with him.  Instead, can I see that it's also fine that he has strong opinions that conflict with mine?  Can I at least try to wrap my mind around how and why he is the way he is?  This will obviously never be perfect.  If I truly understood why someone was different from me, I myself  might be different.

To be sure, this requires that I fortify myself in my own identity, beliefs, tastes, or else I will risk losing myself.  A journey that starts out for mere understanding could become a journey instead of discarding who I am and putting on the identity of another.  Rather than bearing any similarity to the oneness in Heaven, it would be more like self-annihilation; I have not, in that case, become one with the other, I have destroyed myself so that the other is the only one who remains, which is a counterfeit oneness.  So by all means, be strong, be sure of who you are and what you stand for before you try this.  But once you do have that strength and that certainty, a little empathy can go a long way.

So the key to unity is not (always) uniformity, but understanding.  Whoever you understand and comprehend, you are to some extent "one" with him.  You can almost grasp what it is to be him.  And if that grasp is strong enough, you might even find your heart spontaneously moved for him even over things that wouldn't personally matter to you.  That's when you know that the magic of unity is really happening.  When in some strange way, the pains and joys of another are truly your own.  In some way, when you've reached that point, you'll have a foretaste of being one with your brothers and sisters just as it will be in Heaven.

That They May All be One

Ever since I was a child, I had a deep longing for something that it seemed I could never have.  The object of this longing was an identical twin brother.  But not just any twin, one of those twins who is so close to his brother that they can almost read each other's thoughts.  You know the kind; you've probably seen those documentaries or news reports where the two twins are so very close that they almost seem to have a psychic link.  That's because when two people are that profoundly identical, in a way they are one flesh, where normally only spouses can have that sort of union.  Two twins like that--and it's probably rare even among identical twins--experience the world through what is essentially the same exact body and, in the more extreme cases, even their brains and thoughts are similar.

That's what I wanted.  I wanted to know what it was like to be "one flesh" with a brother.  I wouldn't be surprised if this longing is part of what has been channeled into my same-sex attractions, in a misguided attempt to become one with another man the way that I would have been, by birth, one with a twin brother.  Of course I couldn't really achieve that with a man through sex; I believe sexual activity between two men only ultimately pushes them farther apart, rather than binding them together.  But the point is that I think it's that sort of unity with a man that I've been seeking.  Just as with twins, it isn't the same kind of union as with a spouse, and therefore it's not in competition with the spousal relationship (nothing and no one could compete with the beautiful union I have with my wife, and I would never want to replace that), but it's a oneness that would be parallel to that sort of union.  

Of course, I can't have a twin.  Alas, when I was but a wee fertilized egg, I didn't split, and that's that.  No second chances.

Like this, but we wouldn't be "fried" together.  Say no to drugs, and all that. 

Is there a way to have this sort of union on this Earth, despite not having such a twin?  Is there a way to have it with some man I know and love, be he literal brother or a close friend?  I don't know.  I know I love my brothers and my best friends enough for it.  But can we ever be "as one?"  Because, contrary to what some may think, that's what this is about.  It's not about having a "clone" of myself because I'm so great and want someone who's just like me.  It's about wanting to be "as one" with people.  I have a deep desire for unity beyond imagining.  Sometimes I even feel this toward strangers.  I have an aching desire to unite, to be one with my brethren.

The good news is, whether or not we can have this on Earth, we will have it one day.  See, around 2000 years ago, a certain God-Man named Jesus (perhaps you've heard of Him) prayed that all of His followers may be one.  In John 18: 21, He prayed, "so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they may also be in us."  In just one sentence, this gives us a beautiful glimpse at what Heaven will be like.  Unity.  Perfect, unimaginable unity.  I believe that, in Heaven we will all of us, in some mysterious way, be "one flesh" and have a profound unity of spirit.  After all, the unity between the Father and the Son is so real that some early Christians mistakenly thought there was no distinction between them!  So if we are to be "one" in a way approaching the oneness of the Son and the Father, then this unity is going to be profound and real.  It's not just symbolic.

It seems to me that, in Heaven, we'll all have the sort of connection with each other that on Earth most readily exists between spouses or the sorts of twins I mentioned.  We will share in each other's experiences.  We'll know "what it's like" to be each other.  And this unity is actually going to be much richer than even the most profound unions on this side of eternity.  Because rather than having to be born out of similarities or (in the case of spouses) compatibility, it will transcend differences.  We will each continue to have our own personalities in Heaven, and there will be differences and variety there, but at the same time we will be so much "as one" that I think each soul will know what it is to be every other soul, and vice versa.  

Warning, paradox coming up!  Hurry, look at this infinitely more sensible abstract picture!

I was once asked, by someone who craved unity as much as I do, "Is there a place where two souls can exist in the same space?"  And I answered him "Yes, in Heaven."  Because that's the place where somehow space will not be an insurmountable wall, where despite having distinct bodies (after the Resurrection) and distinct souls we will find that there are no  more barriers, no more boundaries, that separate us from one another.  Our oneness will be similar to the oneness of the Holy Trinity:  Just as God is "One God in Three Persons" so too will we all be "One humanity in a multitude of persons."  Just as with God, the persons will be distinct.  But just as with God, the oneness will be real.  

And I, for one, look forward to it.  I will not cease to seek greater unity with my brethren on Earth where it can be found, but I will seek assurance in the hope that, whether I succeed or fail, one day I'll live the dream that even Jesus dreamed.  Alleluia!